July 25, 2009

Things People Say That I Don't Get

Most times, it's not kids who say the darndest things, but adults. When I hear a phrase that makes no sense to me - it really makes me mad. Here are a few examples of such phrases:

"Ugh! This is disgusting!! Taste it."

Why the fuck would I want to try something you just cringed your face over?

"It's a long story, don't ask."
Friend: Ohmygoddddd! You will never guess what happened to me today!"
Me: What??
Friend: It's a long story, don't ask.
--- really??

"At the End of the Day..."
What? WHAT happens at the end of the day? At the end of the day the sun sets -- that's about it. I HATE that saying!!!!!

"Oh, is it raining outside?"
The other day, I went to a friend's apartment after work. I obviously forgot my umbrella, as per usual. When I got to their apartment, I was soaking wet. First thing they say when they open the door? "Oh, is it raining out?" Nope - I just walked through the sprinklers on the way over here. Just took a dip in the fountain by Columbus Circle. I mean, if you didn't gather it by the looks of me, take a look out your windows! OBVIOUSLY it's raining out!

"Can You Do Me a Favor?"
I'm obviously going to do whatever it is you ask, being the uber-nice person that I am. But please, don't set it up like that. Just ask me if I could do something for you. Or, if I'll help you with something. Save the favor-asking for something that deems such a request. For instance, you're homeless and sleeping on 58th and 2nd. Call me. Ask me for a favor. Getting you a cup of coffee is no favor.

"I Was Rushed to the Hospital."
No way! How else would the ambulance get you there? Take the scenic route on 80? Go down 17S to hit Sonic?

"Let's Do Lunch"
How? How are we DOING lunch? Let's go HAVE lunch instead, k? Thanks.

"I Could Care Less"
No, that's wrong. It's "I couldn't care less" because if you COULD care less than you WOULD care less.

If you're not Italian...like, actually speak Italian as a second language or visiting from the country, you're not allowed to say this. You sound snobby and pretentious.

Guess what? That's not a word. It's just a word Biggie Smalls made up so that his rhymes would be ill tight. The adjective you're actually looking for is "converse." Use it correctly.

"It's Just One of Those Days"
What does that even mean? One of WHAT days? Bad? Good? Am I supposed to figure it out from the context? Like today I had to go to the Verizon store AGAIN to deal with my blackberry because it keeps dying on me and freezing. Essentially, after I was done getting a replacement and was about to leave the store, I was standing by the exit shaking my head in dismay as I realized all of my "memopad" entries had been erased. A customer service representative (who had seen me walk in, but wasn't the one assigned to help me) saw me displeased and asked if I was okay. I told him I was just annoyed with the fact that I've already changed my phone three times and now everything is erased and I have to set it up all over again. Do you know what he said to me? "Yea, it's just one of those days. I've had one today myself." I'm like, dude - what?! You're a customer service rep for Verizon, not a friend or a shrink. Like, I'm not concerned with what kind of day you're having - and if you asked me if I'm okay, I'm going to respond in reference to my PHONE/SERVICE - and not to what kind of day I'm having. What's wrong with you?