March 1, 2010

All You Need To Know About The Brighton Beach Show

Inspired by The Jersey Shore, The Brighten Beach Show is going to be EXACTLY like that - but with a Russian-American angle.
I predict the following differences:
- More hookups on the Russian version
- More bizarre outfits on the Russian version
- More makeup. More hair gel. NOT as tan
- Activities at the Russian restaurants in Brooklyn are going to MAKE this show

The Casting Call reads as follows:
Are you the Russian Snooki or The Situation? Are you a super outgoing and fun-loving Russian-American that sometimes sneaks kalbaska, pel'meni and vodka from the fridge? Can people hear the Euro/Techno/Russian music blasting from your car before they see you pull up? Do you attend birthday parties at Russian restaurants every weekend? If so, we may want to cast you for a new reality TV show that centers around a group of Russian-American strangers living together in a house on the shores of Brighton Beach for a summer. The cameras will roll as you do what you do best — eat, drink and PARTY.
Here's who we're looking for: Outgoing guys and girls between the ages of 21 and 30 who would be willing to spend one summer living in an all-expense paid digs in the New York City area and consider themselves to be Russian-American (or from the former U.S.S.R., including the Caucasus). We're searching for people throughout the entire U.S. including: NYC, Miami, Cleveland, Chicago, L.A., San Francisco and beyond. You must love attention and be the opposite of camera-shy.Are you up for it? We want to know all about you*! This is your chance to shine on your very own reality show. But be quick — the deadline is rolling, so the QUICKER you apply, the better your chance is to be cast. Hurry!
*And we'd obviously love to meet your grandma!

In order to submit your casting tape, there are a few "poses" they look for - and then ask you to answer the following questions, looking directly into the camera. Well, I have no intentions of filming myself answering these (clearly, I'm not auditioning for this show) - BUT, I will answer the first half of these questions right here, right now.

Interview Questions


  • Where were you born? Flushing, NY
  • Where is your family originally from? Dad: Moldova Mom: Belarus
  • How long has your family lived in the States? 31 years
  • Describe your family unit (mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles?) We are loud, boisterous and adore family get-togethers. Vodka, cognac and wine must be involved in every family function - even it's a "stopping by" situation. Mom is the caretaker, making sure everyone's plates are full, glasses are topped and food prepared. Dad likes to make jokes, teach by example and counter-argue everything that "young Americans" say and do. Uncle loves to drink. A lot. Aunt turns head the other way. Grandparents feel like guests in our home when they make the trek from Brooklyn. Cousins are awesome. My older cousin used to help me sneak cigarettes at family gatherings. Every single get-together revolves around food. Rarely is there a gathering that DOESN'T. In fact, I don't think I've ever hung out with my family without sitting down to eat.
  • Do you live close to your family? Is your family scattered all over the country/world? New Jersey, New York and Brooklyn. We represent.


  • On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being not at all and 10 being without an accent, how well do you speak Russian? Mama always made me speak Russian to her, so as not to forget. She knew I'd know English inside and out, given the fact that I'd be going to school in the American system. Since I am from Fair Lawn, there are a lot of Russians, but I wasn't friends with any of them in High School and therefore spent most of time outside of the house speaking English. At home, however, it was Russian only. I speak Russian well and fluently, though those who are Russian say that when I SPEAK Russian, I have an American accent. It would be interesting to hear myself through their ears. I suppose it would be similar to what I think about Russian-speaking people having accents when they speak English, right?
  • What kind of music do you listen to (band names, genres)? If you think I didn't go through a Euro-techno phase, you're insane. DJ Bobo and all those motherfuckers. Loved them. I also may or may not have made CD's dedicated solely to Alla Pugacheva, Irena Allegrova, Kirkorov, etc. Yea, that's right.
  • What percentage of your friends are Russian? 2%?
  • What do you think of Americans? I'm a Russian chick with an American mentality...what do you want from me?


  • Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?
  • What is your relationship philosophy?
  • Describe your typical weekday (include daytime and nighttime activities):
  • Describe your typical weekend (include daytime and nighttime activities):
  • Describe your beauty/getting ready routine?


  • How would you describe your personality? Are you fun loving? Difficult? Confident?
  • What are your future goals and aspirations?
  • Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
  • What do you think would surprise people about you?
  • What are your plans for this summer? Can you commit to 6-8 weeks to be on this show?
  • Why should we cast you to live, party and be filmed on Brighton Beach?
So, if you think you have what it takes, do it: WWW.BRIGHTONBEACHSHOW.COM
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Dasvidanya, bitches!