Jersey Shore - Season 3, Episode 1

First and foremost, I am VERY sorry that I didn't liveblog for the first episode.  I had plans that night and didn't realize there would be an upheaval. It won't happen again.  So now, without further wait .... IT'S T-SHIRT TIIIIIIME!!!
 
I'm going to list just my general observations and reactions instead of a play-by-play.  The point is for you to read these blogposts and think "Totally, I totally thought the same thing!" and "Yes, that's the exact quote - awesome."  Here we go.

• I'm like, really excited!
• Snookie, there IS such a thing as being too tan, k? 
• Snookie crashing into the door - priceless.
• Deena is being introduced as a new member of the cast.  She's being brought in by Snooki, who calls her "another Snooki"
• Note: Ed Hardy steering wheel cover
• Clearly, the BMW is a new purchase for the Snookster, since she has absolutely no clue how to drive stick.
• We learn that J-Woww is excited to leave Long Island and her problems with Tommy behind for a summer at the Jersey Shore. That's what people in the TV Biz call "foreshadowing."
• Ronnie and Sam are together and they've been together for a year.  Celebration time!  I mean, if I saw my boyfriend doing the the shit he did on TV, I would castrate him.
• I mean, my initial reaction to Deena is not a good one.  I wish I could blog in sound because I really want to make fun of her EXTREME accent.  Unfortunately, she IS from New Jersey and therefore, we Jerseyians can't defend ourselves with this one.  "I cayn't wayyt tah gah goyyy shawiping!!  Ugh, I lovvve faux-hawks."
• I love Pauly D.  Offish.
• Sammi is uncomfortable in her own skin.  That's sad.  Out of everyone, she KNOWS and REALIZES she's being filmed and acts accordingly.
• I hope Sammi and Ron do not share a bedroom.  That would be really, really dumb.  Let's see....Annnnd, they are.  With a third person.  Sucks for that third person.
• So when JWoww shows up and it's just Ron and Sam in the house, Sam is sort of standing in the room waiting to act based on the reaction of JWoww.  Meaning, if JWoww would have been nice to her, she would have been nice back.  Why? Because she has no integrity.  But, instead, JWoww scoffed at Sammi, Sammi scoffed back - and so, we begin Season 3!
• Why does JWoww walk like she has a penis in her anus?
• I agree with Vinny in that it's messed up and inconsiderate for the couple to have taken the room with three beds.  I mean, who is going to be sleeping there with them and be okay with it? No one.  But Vinny, the adorable gentleman that he is says, "I want a room where I can bring girls back, and I can't do that in front of Sammi."
• Pauly D is so hot with his black mafiosa car.
• "Yo Vinny's mad funny" - Pauly D.
• "I'm nervous, I'm excited and I just can't wait to blow the speakers out of this house." - Deena
• Deena took three shots before she left for the road trip with Snooki, but says "Don't tell anybody I'm drunk."  I mean, really??? You're drunk?  Three shots and a long car ride later?  Don't play ya-self.
• "I am just really excited to be back in Jersey. This is like gorilla juicehead guido heaven." - Snooki
• "Snooki walks in the door with this gremlin lookalike and she says she's the new roommate." - RonRon
• Sammi definitely realizes that she's an "outcast" of the house, but she definitely doesn't need to be. She could just get over it and let bygones be bygones, but she's too stubborn.  So now, she HAS to have everything be kosher with the guys, especially Ron, otherwise she's going to just like, leave the house.
• I canNOT deal with the show-and-tell vibrator scene.  It's too much to handle. First of all, no need. Second of all, you're in a house with seven other people and NO room to yourself.  When/where/how are you using tickle-me-elmo?
• I have to tell you right now that I wish I had The Situation's positive attitude.  He can handle anything that's thrown at him!
• I also feel bad for Mike. He shouldn't have to sleep with Ron and Sam.
• Snooki, get rid of your blue contact lenses.  Lame.
• The burgers they're cooking on the grill are "80 percent lean and 20 percent fat...that's how I like my women." - Vinny
• Sammi really did snub Deena. It's not nice.  She shouldn't have done that. She just assumed that Deena wasn't being genuine or whatever and decided to be a snotface.  Fuck Sammi.
• "If Deena was a holiday, she'd be Thanksgiving because she's got a lot to give and she's down for a lot of stuffing." - The Situation ... classic.
• The group is sitting in the kitchen catching up and getting to know Deena a bit more.  Sammi is being a cold-bitch as she had been the previous few hours they've been there and in a very interesting alignment, Deena was saying how she's a nice person, but if you step on her toes, she'll have a problem with you.  As she was saying the following, Sammi gets up and walks out of the room (kitchen.) "It's like if you can't take the heat, get the fuck out the kitchen." - Deena
• Ok the game is called Flip Cup, not Flip The Cup.
• Ron is a FUCKING LOSER.
• Here we are in the hot tub.   Deena and Vinny are like getting a little flirtacious and Snooki is getting a little jealous.  She says, "I swear to god, if Vinny hooks up with this girl, done ties with Vinny."  But, like - shouldn't she have told her "best friend" to stay the fuck away from the guy she likes?
• VINNY AND RYDER HAD SEX!!! WE DIDN'T KNOW THAT LAST SEASON!
• "This is not a good time - like, this is the most horrid-able time - ever." - Deena, in a very manly voice.
• Vinny feels bad for hurting Snooki's feelings, but he's in a situation where he doesn't LIKE Snooki like that and doesn't want to lead her on.  She came down here expecting that he'd be interested in hooking up with her, but he's just not there.  Why? Because first of all - she needs to have a little game. If she's not a little bit of a challenge and he knows that he can have her at any moment, he's not going to want her.  Case-in-point ... She tries to kiss him in the hot tub and he says, "Stop. I can't hook up with you."  Vinny really is a good guy.  I'm serious.  He's honest and says what girls WISH guys would say.
• Deena wants to smush The Situation, as they are now going together to find one of her lucky hats? I dunno.  "That hat is probably another name for Deena's Kooka" - Pauly D.
• Deena is awkwardly hot and we have a situation" - The Situation.
• Deena is getting butt naked in front of The Situation.  To the point where Mike looks up at the camera man as if asking him, "Is this really happening?"  I MEAN, REALLY - IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?
• JWoww wants to hate Deena, but can't.
• Wow, I am like so embarrassed for Deena right now. I paused the show at the part where she's climbing up the stairs to "wake people up."  I mean, girl - Mike told you he was going to go hide in his room.  You're going up to the battlefield.  First of all, you're not FRIENDLY with his bedroommates, Ron and Sam-- so obviously you are going up there just to smush Mike - but like, he doesn't want to smush you right now.  You're too easy.  EASY.
• "You're annoying." - The Situation to Deena.  Sammi laughs.  "She's laughing at me." - Deena.  "No she's not." - The Situation.  "I definitely am." - Sammi.
• If you want to snuggle, that means you want to bone.
• First of all, I like the word "cunt" - it's one of my favorite words.
• "You earn respect in this house, you don't just fucking get it." - Ronnie
• "Even though we're small, I don't give a shit. I will fucking attack you like a squirrel monkey." - Snooki
• "You are the biggest fucking bitch I have ever met in my life." - Snooki
• "You need to relax because you're a loser from Poughkipsee and you know it." - Ronnie to Snooki
• Ok - I honestly can't react/type fast enough with the punching fight that is taking place between Sammi and JWoww.  This is really intense.  Sammi fake-punched JWoww but then it really started going down between the two of them!

Thoughts and Predictions to what's gonna go down this season:

• As I said, Sammi needs to stay good with the guys and Ronnie if she's gonna stay.  From previews, you see that her and Ronnie end up breaking up and she leaves.  Duh, obviously.
• Ronnie and JWoww are going to hook up, seeing as how Tommy breaks up with her.
• Snooki's wastedness with her green slippers/getting arrested is going to be awesome to watch on video, since we only saw it in pictures.  You didn't?  Click here.
• Um, this season is going to be the best one yet.

Your thoughts?