Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

I judge your Facebook Status Updates

• Tarik Trad We never get to hear the animals of the forest or the fish in the sea tell their sides of the story. I'll bet they're amazing.
• David Frank Slow and steady might win the race, but intervals burn more calories!
• Tarik Trad When you know a friend or colleague is being interviewed live on TV or radio, it is your duty to call them to make sure their phone is turned off while they are being interviewed.
• Sarah Polonsky Using a bottle of Vodka to do arm exercises at work. Healthiest thing I've ever done with vodka.
• Ben Schwartz Burying Osama Bin Laden at sea is the perfect way to start a horror movie.
• Shawn Bado Is it wrong that I hate germs but can't stand hand sanitizer on my hands?
• Jim Shi Amy Poehler was hilarious at the Met Gala last night: "Don't take the art home, don't take the people home."
• Mike Gagliardi I want to go down on you & make you extremely happy. Then I want to come back up slowly & fuck you real good and hard... Yours truly, Gas Prices!
• Diana Diner bad news: something I ate did not agree with me. good news: key west has the softest, most luxurious toilet paper I have ever felt in my life.
• Anthony Iozzia Thank you Lowes for making me take 2 hours vacation time for the delivery NOT to show up!
• Katharine Ricci As I walked to the subway this morning , a middle-aged Italian man hung out of his car window and yelled over to me: "You are gorgeous!!!" .... then ***CRAAASSSH*** -- he collided into the Fedex Truck in front of him. Result: fender bender. Lesson: don't cat call and drive
• Bryce Gruber You know a little boy is being raised by a single mom when he thinks a baseball bat is for vacuuming... I mean, from what I hear.
• Rachel Wallins Is it too late to become a navy SEAL?
• Zhanna Zonis Packing up and moving to a new room at 6:30 am because our room got flooded overnight - I planned Animal Kingdom for today, not a water park!
• Chris Morran if you love someone, set them free... just be sure to do it in a remote, wooded area where they won't be able to tell the police how to find your underground bunker.