December 17, 2012

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh today:

This is what sleep deprivation does to a (formerly) normal person: I am sitting in a meeting with senior management, and one of them repeats a few times “please show it, just show it” about something we’ve been talking about. In my head, I immediately answer him with “I’m sexy and I know it!” #needavacationasap

There is not enough vodka in the lounge (and mind you I hate vodka) to erase my curmudgeonly mood thanks to the absolute bedlam that is JFK.

Just figured out a way to train a dog in 30 seconds. Sit him down in front of the TV and make him watch that Sarah McLachlan commercial about animal abuse. Point at the screen. “That could be you if you don’t clean up your act.” Et voilĂ ! Instantly housebroken.

I hope the huge menorah I saw on top of that car flies off and snaps the antlers off the suv behind it.

Why does my email get so freaked when I neglect to include a subject line? “Are you sure you want to send this?” JUST DO WHAT YOU’RE TOLD, ASSHOLE.