Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention: July 30

Dan DeMiglio

I'm honestly convinced some women do not fart they just hold it in, and it comes out as drama

Zhanna Zonis

Great idea of naming conference rooms after different countries of the world to celebrate globalization (which I always forget about). Imagine my reaction when the following email popped up at 10:57 am: “Our 11 am meeting has been rescheduled from Brazil to Germany. Please try to arrive on time.” — feelingconfused.

Ashley Gillen Binder

Fancy new knife set? Obviously have already drawn blood once. At least I know they're sharp, right?

Bryce Gruber

Things no woman should get involved in: selfish men, ombré hair, bandage dresses and/or skirts, gossip. ALL ARE EQUALLY EVIL.

Chantal McLaughlin

Why, oh why was I chatting with Dominique Strauss-Kahn in my dream this morning?

Mark Marino

The homeless guy who has been collecting bus-ticket money for over a month to get home to his mother's/relative's funeral now needs $67. Last week it was $57. A few weeks ago he got it down to $35. He must be buying his Sharpies at Tiffany's.

Sean-Patrick M. Hillman

Can Weiner pull out already?!?!?!!

Soul Khan

Days like this, I miss the shit out of cigarettes.

Erin O'Donnell Grimley

You don't realize how handicap-unfriendly a place is until you have a stroller and really want a piece of pizza.

Jack Tion

Guess what? I'm in Jamaica!

I thought it would be much nicer than this. — at Jamaica, Queens.

Nancy Martira

Does this gelato make my hat look big? ‪#‎ischia‬ ‪#‎latergram‬

Keely Coffey-Sina — at O'Hare International Airport (ORD).

Chicago wants you to think you are in a disco on the way to get your luggage