December 16, 2013

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a mention

You people made me laugh today:

I wonder when Will Ferrell will start promoting Anchorman 2...

You know what really grinds my gears? The improper use of multiple question marks. One question mark per question is enough people. And correct. Any additional question marks and I assume you're just trying to get under my skin or do not understand proper English grammar. Please stop it.

When asked, last minute, if I could do dinner with a client tonight: "Sure, I'm dressed like a VonTrapp today and I'm just going to tell all of the same stories I told at last night's client dinner, but if you can handle that, say the magic words I'll be there."

No less than five times in the past three days have I been told that I have nice teeth. I feel like that is the type of compliment you give someone when you absolutely can't find one nice thing to say but you are trying to be positive so you pull something out of your a*s. "Oh him... well, he's really good at Scrabble" or "Say what you want about that one, she has a wonderful way with animals." And then there is me. I have nice teeth.

Mom (text): call me! It's important!
Me: what's up?
Mom: how do you use the keyboard on your computer?
Me: um, it's a keyboard. It pretty much just works when you turn on the computer.
Mom: ooooh...I had the caps lock on. 
Me: I think we need to have a talk about what qualifies as "important" when I'm at work.

I left the dead mice under the sink for the Dead Mice Fairy, but they're still here this morning. What am I doing wrong? Was I supposed to leave a couple of bucks too?

Janine Califano feeling festive
Why yes, I will spend $50 dollars more to get free shipping to avoid paying $3 dollars for shipping.

Me: I have tried four different eye creams, retinol AND this crazy stuff with no FDA-filter straight from Tokyo and nothing is working on my crow's feet. I think I know what this means.
Mom: Time to embrace the aging process and accept that you have wrinkles?
Me: Huh? I was going to say that I must have skipped a Botox appointment and I need to get in there ASAP.
‪#‎icomebyithonestly‬ ‪#‎atleastihaveniceteeth‬