March 13, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention


You people made me laugh today!


Woman in public, multi-stall bathroom was talking on the phone with her son's school about how he left his jacket on the bus WHILE GOING TO THE BATHROOM. Like. For real. What the hell is wrong with people.

"scaredy" should really be used way more than just in front of "cat." You scaredy brah?

I hate reading about "bad tippers"..............I don't care if I have 3 pennies to my name, I'm an overboard tipper because I feel for anyone who works in that industry and even if I get "not so good" service, I feel for them anyway and tip nicely. These people have the worst jobs ever. I like to show them that I care. If you're too cheap to tip someone who is bending over backwards to serve you a meal, then perhaps you should stay home and serve yourself that microwave dinner you f*****g loser.

Being nine months pregnant when the men's magazine you work at is doing a model casting: I don't recommend it.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle, but don't wipe the seatie like a sweetie, then I hope you get stuck in a subway car for at least 30 minutes with the stinkiest bum in the city on the hottest day of the year.

The only good mornings are the ones that start in the afternoon.

Note: If you're Linked In photo is a selfie in a bathroom mirror, I am likely not accepting your request.

It's surely a sign of imminent dementia that three seconds after I put conditioner in my hair I can't remember if I put conditioner in my hair.