May 15, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention


Conversations with my boyfriend at 5,000 feet:
"Is that Florida?"
"Yes. It's really pretty to fly over during the day because you can see the beach."
"So, all that black stuff is swamp?"
In related news: We made it.


To the Hasidic dude in the Dodge Sienna on Prince and Mott: you obey every 2500-year-old rule in the Book, but you won't use your turn signal?


My prescription for birth control looks a lot like a plane ticket seating me behind the world's most unruly and cranky child.


yes, we've seen each other in the bathroom twice today. no, we are not 'bathroom buddies'.


"What happened to her?"
"She was suffocated by her Spanx."
- inevitable conversation after I'm killed by my own underwear.