May 29, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

Jurrrry Dutyyyy. I just don't have time for all this civic responsibility this morning. ‪#‎AintNobodyGotTimeForThat‬

‪#‎onlyinla‬ get home late. A paparazzi lurking peaking into the parking lot of the restaurant next door.
Me: get off my porch.
Pap: sorry, waiting for Maggie and Jake to come out.
Me: you got that as a tip?
Pap: yes
Me: I have a better one. That was last week and it's closed tonight.
Pap: oh. I thought it looked kinda dark.

The Duggars are satirical right? We'll find out Jon Stewart or Seth MacFarlane produced and wrote this? Right?

The worst part about being an adult is being responsible for enforcing your own bedtime.

In case anyone was concerned, my next door neighbor's date tonight went awesome. Wall-shaking awesome.

I found money in my coat. YAY!
Meaning I left money in my coat. What am I? An idiot?

2 roaches in one night = me never sleeping again