June 4, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention


You people made me laugh:


for about 26 years I thought "area" rug stores were the central rug destination for their particular neighborhood.

We put people on the moon. Is it too much to ask for chapstick that won't melt in my car?

To the kind lady in the office, who just announced via the loud speaker that the ice cream truck is parked outside of the building: in the future, please deliver such news via email. And take me off the distribution list! I'm on a diet. And that means that I'm hungry, cranky and CAN'T have ice cream!

If you can afford to hire a publicist to alert the world of your kickstarter campaign, you likely shouldn't be having a kickstarter campaign.

just working on a pitch entitled "A Strippers Guide to Naming a Baby"‪#‎iworkhardformymoney‬

Just passed a Google smart car with absolutely no one driving it. All I could think of is Wow.... Now blind people will have a chance to pick up prostitutes

I think your TV should automatically shoot Valtrex at you if you're watching‪#‎MenOfTheStrip‬

40 laps before work. New pet peeve- people who swerve into my lane. Drunk swimming better be your excuse.

Realistically, the only way I replace my Burt's Bees is by losing it. Today I broke my record. Bought it at lunch, put it in my pocket, went to grab it a few minutes ago and it's gone. Didn't even get to use it once fml

As a journalist, I hope to one day tackle the same hard-hitting topics Brooke Anderson is touching on during True Tori: Questions Answered. Topics like: "How are you DOING?"

C'mon, do not email everyone saying there are Girl Scout cookies in the kitchen when it's (one box of) Trefoils