June 16, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh:

The only people more deserving of scorn than those who abuse hashtags online are those who speak in hashtags.

Being outside feels like being inside a giant vagina. ‪#‎moist‬

I'm not sure if my neighbors are using the vacuum to drown out the sound of her moaning or the vacuum is somehow part of the whole thing, but we all know they're having sex at 10am. Happy Friday!

I know I'm getting on in years, but I'm holding true to my lifelong dream... of having a reckless one-night-stand and, many months later, going on Maury to see if I am the father.

$6 a pound at the farmer's market.

Fact: If they're talking shit about others to you, they're sure as fuck talking shit about you to others. ‪#‎Hype‬

I know me better than you know me. Just for the record.