June 24, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people make me laugh:

Nothing like my phone blowing up at 3:38am with prank calls and then a woman having a seizure and collapsing RIGHT in front of me on the escalator at Penn Station to remind me it's in fact Monday.

I just Googled "who gives a fuck" . I wasn't in the search results.

Excuse me, France. What exactly is a "course advised for women???"

I just attempted to make Samoas. It would have been cheaper and easier for me to just join the Girl Scouts.

Did you know that if your 3yr old flushes his toothbrush down the potty then it will get stuck and you'll need a whole new toilet? Found that out this morning. Yay!

Instagram: With the right angle and filter you can trick people into thinking you're happy!

Dear iPhone. I will never use the word "ducking."

I have developed really strong, complex emotions about Whole Foods.

Fun fact: between the hours of 5-7am, trash collectors slam down the cans extra hard.