July 31, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh:

Candy Crush invitations are like the Jehovah's Witnesses of Facebook.

Lately I'm the bug. Would like to be the windshield every now and again.

It's so bittersweeet to be leaving for Nashville, and have it not be sequined pink boot season.

TimeHop is really great if you need to be reminded of what an idiot you were five years ago.

If the Birkenstock can be back in style, the waterbed can't be far behind.

10 hrs ·   · 
Israel and Hamas will get along if they find a common enemy and rise up against it. That's right, it's time to take on gluten.

NOTE TO SELF: when testing food to see if it's still good, no need to take a huge bite.

So, I was tricked by Blue Apron. I thought that when you got the food, you also got someone to cook it. ‪#‎Scammed‬

Pro Tip: When a girl eats the sidewalk in high heels, don't, while helping her up, ask (in a baby talk voice) "Who's a big girl in her mama's shoes"?

you know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera

11 hrs ·   · 
You're not a real bar until you get the, "If Yelp allowed negative stars, I would use those" review.

Today I'm Javier. That's because I said my name was Javier. ‪#‎happytuesday‬

Nice way to hide your C grade.