Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh:

Sam Jones

Just now · 

Thinking about lubing myself up with Crisco so I can get these "skinny" jeans over my ass. ‪#‎NeedToGoBackOnAdderall‬

Bryce Gruber

2 hrs · 

Proof that soul mates exist: peanut butter and chocolate.

Jesse Brukman

45 mins · Twitter · 

I don't know if I feel comfortable endorsing you on LinkedIn for the full Microsoft Office Suite. Excel? Maybe we can talk.

Stephanie Rachel

2 hrs · Edited · 

So I guess the reason everyone was staring at me on the subway was the giant, black, coal like mark running from my mouth down my face. Cool.

Gennady Borukhovich

3 hrs · Livingston, NJ · 

My alarm went off at a HUGE cliffhanger moment in my dream. I tried going back to sleep to get back to my dream but it didn't work. Now I'll never know!!! It's like a show that gets cancelled after the season finale airs.

Brian John

1 min · 

I just bought a book with the intention of reading it. Just a warning to all of you, the apocalypse may be near.

Meagan Murphy

3 mins · New York, NY · 

It's a good thing none of y'all felt the need to run right to your computer to report the score...

Jesse Brukman

5 hrs · Twitter · 

Crumbs is gone? The face of uncomfortable business associate birthdays is changed forever

Zuri Williams

23 mins · Instagram · 

When your hear ‪#‎shuttersounds‬ in the ‪#‎cubicle‬ next to yours.....pop up real quick...you never know what you might see ‪#‎freak‬ taking ‪#‎selfies‬ ‪#‎dead‬‪#‎busted‬