July 9, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

You people made me laugh:

Thinking about lubing myself up with Crisco so I can get these "skinny" jeans over my ass. ‪#‎NeedToGoBackOnAdderall‬

Proof that soul mates exist: peanut butter and chocolate.

I don't know if I feel comfortable endorsing you on LinkedIn for the full Microsoft Office Suite. Excel? Maybe we can talk.

So I guess the reason everyone was staring at me on the subway was the giant, black, coal like mark running from my mouth down my face. Cool.

My alarm went off at a HUGE cliffhanger moment in my dream. I tried going back to sleep to get back to my dream but it didn't work. Now I'll never know!!! It's like a show that gets cancelled after the season finale airs.

I just bought a book with the intention of reading it. Just a warning to all of you, the apocalypse may be near.

It's a good thing none of y'all felt the need to run right to your computer to report the score...

Crumbs is gone? The face of uncomfortable business associate birthdays is changed forever

When your hear ‪#‎shuttersounds‬ in the ‪#‎cubicle‬ next to yours.....pop up real quick...you never know what you might see ‪#‎freak‬ taking ‪#‎selfies‬ ‪#‎dead‬‪#‎busted‬