August 29, 2014

Some Facebook Status Updates Are Worth a Mention

Your Facebook Status Updates Made Me Laugh:

At last! All the tabloids that have spent years speculating about Brangelina's wedding can finally start focusing on their divorce. Phew!

Anyone listening to KNX1070 traffic reports and heard from tipster Jason this morning? Yeah, that was me. N.B.D.

I got a same day appt, had no wait, saw the dr, got 5 prescriptions and paid out of pocket until I can bill insurance. 200 bucks in china. America, fix your goddamn health care system.

Cognitive psychology theory of forward telescoping in full effect... it's been a whole ten years since we all cared about:
Editing AIM profiles. Putting lyrics in your AIM profile. CONSTANTLY changing your AIM profile. Away messages. Constantly changing your away message. AIM subprofiles. Spending entirely too much time on your AIM profile. Getting the right font for AIM.

how about this trending headline: "Joan Rivers rushed to hospital after she stops breathing during surgery." Must be nice having enough money to get your surgeries in the comfort of not a hospital?!

Cue the onslaught of Jennifer Aniston stories: "How Jen Found Out!" "Jen Plans Revenge Wedding To Justin!" "Jen Flaunts Sexy Body On Red Carpet To Undermine Angelina Jolie In Wake Of Marriage To Brad Pitt!" "Jennifer Aniston Blindsided by Brangelina Marriage, After Couple Have Been Dating for Nine Years, Engaged For 2 & Welcomed 6 Children" "Friends: Jen 'Didn't See This Coming' And Is 'Beyond Broken' That Brad Did This To Her...'"

Pet peeve: when people use ... after every sentence in a professional email. Like, this isn't instant messenger. I'm not your bro. Maybe TRY to write like a professional? That's all I'm saying.