American Idol 8 - Episode 5

First of all, I don't know how dumb I'm going to sound right now, but I also don't care. I'm fully admitting that TONIGHT is the night I learned Randy Jackson was a member of the band, Journey. I literally had NO idea and I couldn't handle the information right away. It took me some time to process it. How could someone who went from rocking out to "Don't Stop Believing" go to "Yo, yo, yo - What up, dawg??" I thought he was a judge on the show based purely on his abilities as a producer, but wow -- what a blow, man.

Ok -- let's get into it:

• Joshua Ulloa - aka - Justin Guarini: This guy sang "Let's Get it On." I thought there were way too many sound effects. It's like, are you a singer, or do you want to be like that guy on Police Academy...you know the one I'm talking about? Pick a career. I was shocked they let him through.
• Sharon Wilbur - aka - I couldn't find a dog sitter: This girl brings her shitzu into the audition room. I mean, really? I didn't think she did a good job at.all...but Simon said yes and so did the others. Through to Hollywood. Unreal.
• It was during this audition, that the judges decided they were going to make asses out of themselves, yet again. Earth to Judges - American Idol isn't supposed to be a reality show about the behaviors of the judges. Let's find fantastic singers and move on with it. I really don't need to listen to your banter, or watch Paula try to make out with Cara, as she feigns for attention.
• Julissa Veloz - aka 1993 Prom Queen: I gotta tell you, I thought you sucked. However, you really made me realize how much I miss Whitney Houston. She could have really made something of herself, even now, had it not been for Bobby Brown and is Perogative to start you on a crack addiction. At any rate, I can't believe you made it through. Mazel.
• It was during this performance, that Paula realized FINALLY, that her opinion doesn't count, be it there are three judges or four. You're.on.crack. No one values your opinion, so yes - you should cry about. But causing a scene, walking off the set and making out with PQ1993 behind the set is not the right move here. You just continue to make an ass out of yourself. And like later on, you sit on Simon's lap because -- well, WHY? Holy SHIT. You and Cara are attention whores. I hate you both.
• Darin Darnell - aka My Coke Just Wore Off: This boy makes friends with everyone in the waiting area. I mean, chilllll motha fucka. Relax. Apparently, he made REALLY good friends with this one dude who went ahead of him. Once Darin found out his new friend of four hours didn't make it, he changed into a solemn crybaby. Homeboy couldn't even get through his fantabulous performance of Boyz II Men's "Hard to Say Goodbye." Duh, I'm joking. He sucked. Next...
• Naomi Sykes - aka Squeely: This girl was terrible. But let me tell you something, yet again. This is American Idol, people. Bring it. I'm annoyed the producers spent three minutes on this whole story around her, friends loving Randy, people sitting on laps -- and in the end, she was horrific. Put her in the closing montage and be done with it. There was no need. I want the days of American Idol tryouts where I would laugh so hard my roommate peed a little, only for me to then rewind it again and watch it sixty times over. Don't waste my time with these bullshit stories. This isn't reality TV. And you know what else? The judges give this girl a group hug. Why?? She sucks. Get over it, homeslice.
  
• Jasmine Murray: You're good; A little hard on the eyes.
• George Ramirez - aka - I'm pledging a fraternity and this is my hell week punishment: HO-LEE-SHIT. I legitemely googled you after watching you. Do you seriously think you're not tone deaf? This was a full out joke. Fully.
• T.K. Hash - aka - Zlata likes your last name: Sang "Imagine" - it was not too bad. What I liked about him is that he made it into his own version, which is something the judges look for towards the end of the competition. I don't think he'll make Top 24.
• Michael Perelli - aka Bandana Boy: I mean, you weren't HORRIBLE. Like, if you were in a park playing guitar with a sign that said "Homeless," I'd give you money. But, I don't think you're good for American Idol. I defintely agree with the judges' constructive critiscm; he should definitely start a band - he's only 18! Also, he was really rude to his mom and I did not like to see that. He has a really bad attitude. Also, what's with this show and leaving people hanging for high fives. Fine, I get it, I already blogged about Ryan Seacrest trying to high five the blind kid, but did anyone see when Michael came out of the audition room and someone had their hand out as a high five? He got left hangin' yo.
• Finally, I don't know this chick's name, but she's hot and has an awesome voice. Guess what? Before the judges made her go change her outfit and put on makeup, she was still hot with an awesome voice. Again, A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N I-D-O-L, not America's Next Top Model. Bitch has a good voice, let her through. Period. You've let a lot worse looking people in and it's just unnecessary. This is a singing competition. Stick to what you know.

Till tomorrow.